my revenue is close to $100k a year. There, I said it. Why do I have so much guilt and shame around this? I live a wonderful life where I teach at the most awesome places- Hawaii now being added to the list of Crete, Venwoude in Netherlands, and Avalon (UK), have a wonderful home near the beach, tulip fields and Amsterdam, I get to meet and work together with beautiful conscious sisters and brothers- why do I feel so f**ing ashamed and guilty around it?
Secretly, I am proud though… I worked really hard to get here. When I came to live in my present home, now 15 years ago to the day, I was so deeply grateful for this place of abundance that I dedicated my home to the Goddess of Abundance, Lakshmi, and a poster of her is still on my living room door. I learned about her ways and I tell you, they are not for the timid of heart. Lakshmi asks that we let go of our comfortzone and take massive action- EVEN WHEN WE DON’T KNOW what to do or where to go. Lakshmi demands that we let go of the HOW? and just start doing it, making mistakes, blundering through, and gradually coming close and closer, inevitably, to what we honor in our heart.
I made many mistakes, went to many scary places in myself over these 15 years… I know there’s only 0,001% of the people who would be willing to do what i did… guiding my first Firewalk was probably one of the scariest of all. How can one ever be ready to have a group of women place their trust in you and walk over red hot coals? I had taken training and coaching for sure, but still didn’t feel ready… but I spread my wings and trusted Lakshmi to catch me. She did.
There’s anger in me, anger at having hidden what I am proud of, anger at all ‘those’ who I think begrudge me my wealth… but actually, it’s me myself doing that. Pff, what a relief to bring all this into the open. To relax in this wealth just being there for each of us in exactly the way that fits us.
I think it started as I saw my mother not being happy when I was a child. I told myself it would be disloyal to be happier than she. I remember the day I came home with my first grade in arithmetic, a topgrade. I was so proud and hoped to share my joy with my mother– I walked in the door jubilantly, only to get my mother angry at me… it turned out my sister had gotten a low grade that day and my mother thought I was putting her down. *Sigh*
Looking back at this memory, I see such a tragic constellation… me wanting the attention of my mother through my achievements, passing by my sister, my mother not knowing how to let my sister know she loved her no matter what grades she got, neither my sister nor me knowing how to be there for each other… no wonder I carry such guilt and shame, and a defiant pride underneath…
… and what a relief to let it all go, bless each of these beautiful women in there, and let go of the whole idea of scarcity and lack and needing to fight for love and attention.
I earn a decent income as I live my passion, and I am all excited about passing ALL of this on to a new generation. Abundance is here for all of us.
It’s like I suddenly get this whole lookthrough to my life, seeing how through my guilt and shame I kept apart my ritual side from my business side, holding on to anger and resentment… and actually PREVENTED integration of the two, and ease and grace in my life. While actually abundance is a core teaching of the Priestesses, and I limit the power of my teachings this way!
Those are the teachings of the ancient priestesses from Crete, and here in Hawaii the indigenous people have kept that alive… the Aloha culture… what a joy to be in it here and drink it in. Thank you Hawaii for this healing and making me see where i still attach to the old paradigm of scarcity. May we love each other unconditionally, abundantly, and allow ourselves the blessings of Lakshmi, making plenty of mistakes along the way…
So yes, I AM good at the business side of things as well as the rituals, I love both and found ways to honor the Goddess in each, and in the moment I AM taking a wonderful coaching program that helps me become even better at it, and I AM looking forward at doubling my revenue to $200k this year and create more ease and grace, get a new generation of women teaching Goddess work on their way and earning their income with their passion, help a young friend of mine get rid of his debt, get myself some more massages and, small but important, finally taking my mother out to a big dinner instead of letting her pick up the bill.
Living in abundance is part of the heritage from the Priestess times, and in the 7 year program this will certainly be one of the teachings and practices. We will learn rituals for Lakshmi and how to translate that into a daily practice, mindset and lifestyle that is an honoring to Lakshmi and will heal you from scarcity thinking and open you for abundance.
And if you think now: ‘oh, but that training already started, I cannot be part of that’, then that is .. , scarcity thinking. It is still possible to join until March 9. The second module is 31 March and 1 April. Here is the link to read more and join:
I for sure am super excited to pass all this healing and learning from Hawaii on to this group of beautiful sisters in the 7 year program. And if you have any questions around it, reply, and we can either hop on a call or I will mail you back.
life is good, life is abundant, learn her ways